Anxiety is a bitch

 Accountability - I need some. Hence this blog. 

The last time I was this low, my mother and aunt came to my house for a "life intervention" that required me to go to therapy, get out of the house, and stop wallowing in my self-pity. My mom is no longer around, so I need to kick myself in the butt. 

Welcome to my blog. I struggle with a lot. Enjoy the ride. 

Today I'm struggling with: My self-image, my lack of motivation, my struggle in caring for my children. I had to pick up a child today because she was being bullied for having a stain on her shirt because I didn't check it before she left the house. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts. 

Today I succeeded in: Not getting a coffee from the coffee shop and making it myself instead. Not immediately stopping everything to escape in a tv-related activity. 

Small failure: I made this blog as an escape from work, but also to vent my feelings, so lose-win? 

Tonight the kids want to decorate the house for Christmas, and my friend wants to have a coffee date to check in with me. She knows I'm struggling. I don't want to decorate, but if I don't put in some effort the kids will be upset. So now I'm anxious thinking about how to handle the situation later. Should I just have said I was busy? I really want to see her; she's like my therapist. Do I push her back until later? Will it be too late? Will the kids be disappointed if I leave early and come back quickly to either judge their work or help with tasks? 

This is how my mind will run for the rest of the day. Anxiety for stupid reasons is just... well it's straight up a bitch.